I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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