last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
