i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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