I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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