Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
