I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
