she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
