i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
