How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
