just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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