my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
