If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
