Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
