how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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