I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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