Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
