Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
