Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
