It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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