I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
