Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You pole danced in your parka.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
