Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she looked like the before picture.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
