God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
