i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
