I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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