I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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