she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
