I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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