clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
