How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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