I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize