mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
