he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
