hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
