just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
