Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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