threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
