I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
