oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
