well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
