is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
