Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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