i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize