dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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