I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
