Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
