True but thats because hes a fetus.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
