the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The air taste purple.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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