Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
