So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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