he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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