What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
