just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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