Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
