I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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