i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
