1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
