worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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