we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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