$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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