he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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