It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
