i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
