I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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