i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Drunk is not a location!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
