so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
