Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
