my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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