He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
