i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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