absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
