I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
