It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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