so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
