just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
