he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
this just has baby written all over it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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