I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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