for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
