I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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