Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
