last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize