so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
