No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
