you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
