dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
