yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
