I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
