Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
