Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
