It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
