i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
