So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
