I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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