I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I fill condoms, not promises.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
