I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
