there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
