he wants to bone in the snuggie
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
