On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
