Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
