do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
