I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
