You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
