i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
