his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
