my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
