porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
