But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
