Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
