he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
