Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
