We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
